From Man vs. Food

For whatever reason, in America it seems like if you enjoy BIG FOOD and LOTS OF IT with MEAT, SECRET SPICES, BARBECUE, etc., you must be a grisly man among men. You are a bit on the chunky side but that’s cool because it’s like you’re one of the guys. You’re a little bit crazy and probably have had more than your share of booze-drinkin’ at frat parties, but people love you because at the end of the day, you’re a regular Joe who likes their meat bleedin’ and their burgers piled high with more burgers.

No more is this the case than with the Travel Channel’s show Man vs. Food, in which a portly dude travels the country in order to wreak havoc on his insides for some airtime and supportive chanting from sickly looking blond children. He consumes POUNDS worth of meat, steak, ribs and other manly treats for nothing other than gaining a nifty bumper sticker or his name on a greasy wall. Which I guess as entertainment goes, is fine or whatever, despite starving people who could live a week off of the despicable carnage that the host constitutes as one bite.

Moving on, the Food Network seems to have taken quite a shine to a like-minded guy, named appropriately enough: Guy.

If you’ve never seen him before, picture a younger, more-obnoxious-yet-somehow-less-intolerable Very Pink Emeril Lagasse. He oversells the ‘dude’ thing but he must be doing something right because he seems to get a new show every 5 minutes. One show features the Pink Fellow driving around looking for diners around the country that are crazy enough to let him within a five-foot radius of their kitchen. The Man Without Neck eats lots of big sandwiches, blah blah blah, “invented” a certain way to eat such big food which in the end is really just pummeling your face with said food, and still has time to get his hair bleached around the sunglasses that are a permanent fixture to the back of his head. (Legend be told that his skull is steadily absorbing them.)

Both shows contain “hey brah” qualities which for whatever reason is linked to over-consumption of big food. For women to overeat is called “indulging,” or “treating themselves to another bite” or whatever. Because women are dainty and eat salads. Or some such thing.

Alright whatever, let me get to the point, OK?

This is a 7 man vs. 1 ko-gal eating contest. (Part 2 and Part 3 are here.) The ko-gal featured is none other than Gyaru Sone, who got her start in a girl group but really took off as a celebrity Super Eater. Looking like a frail doe-eyed pixie thing, she can easily out-eat both Dudes above and still DRINK. THEIR. MILKSHAKE!!

So, American TV Producing People, the chunky-bro-eating-too-much-food thing is getting old. I don’t really know what I’m asking for in its place, but encouraging food-related stereotypes is definitely not getting anywhere with me.

Also, I don’t want to feel guilty anymore for enjoying food. OK? So stop showing things like vectorized animated slinky women with little bars of chocolate individually wrapped so we can savor the indulgent sexy flavor while watching our weight, because I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough. (On a separate note: please stop sexualizing M&Ms.)

(X-Posted in Kotowari.)
(warning: rant ahead.)

Have you seen this? It is a hilarious (and humbling!!) article on what it’s like watching your girlfriend attempt a shooter game for the first time (She doesn’t know how to aim! Ladders confuse her!) It talks about how watching your girlfriend flail about, “contorting her body,” and apologize profusely to online team members makes you appreciate the knowledge you have as a long-time gamer.

The article mentions how inexplicably the zombie-horror-movie-lovin’ girlfriend is drawn towards the zombie shooter Left 4 Dead.

Yeah, I know, right? But you love her (or at least need something to brag about to your online buddies) and so you put up with inanities such as:

Her first instinct was to try and avoid aiming entirely. But when navigating around doors became an issue, she was forced to figure out what the second analog stick did. I felt bad for her. We were playing online with friends of ours, while she quickly sunk the team in almost every scenario we played. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” she would plea, as she tried to climb up the stairs.

Oooooh, dear. At least her actions constituted a hearty chuckle or two as you drifted down memory lane, back when you had your first headshot as a wee lad. And after you get through all of this, you have something to be proud of! An accomplishment such as getting your girlfriend to put up with your bullshit eye-rolling and undermining tones (and presumably using gamer terminology she has never heard of) whilst she try to put up with the mindfuck that is the XBox controller is not something to be taken lightly.

Seriously, are we still talking about this? Is having a girlfriend wanting to play a video game she’s never tried before so rare that you document her like some kind of experiment? The ironic part is that the article/vlog does touch upon the cause of its own sexist undertones: none of the XBox games normally appeal to her.

Look at Nintendo Wii and DS commercials.

Notice anything? They feature women lounging about, talking about fireworks (”chhhyeah are you KIDDING me??”) in Animal Crossing or learning to cook with their large-headed daughters (never sons.) They hardly ever show the actual game play, whereas commercials for XBox games – specifically First Person Shooters – are all about the game’s graphics, which often feature war-torn environments in which aliens and big men in suits shoot laser weapons and blow shit up. Most XBox games already have a huge male-based following, making it hard for potential female gamers who only know that they are supposed to raise Hamsterz and Babiez.

I am glad that Kotowari is a female-friendly video game blog. The only assumption that Roy makes is that you read his articles because you enjoy the same games as he does. You will never find a post about him documenting me playing shit for the first time – instead, he would rather have me write a review. You see that, there? Progress. Say it with me now. Progress.

It took a little while, but I finally made a new layout for this ol’ thing.  Sorry for those who encountered a bunch of strange goings-on!  I had to update my blogging platform and came across more problems than I had anticipated.  Enjoy!

What’s happening with me?

Currently, I am:
- unemployed
- but! prepping for an interview on Monday for a web design position (seriously, what the hell did I major in again?)
- having an e-mail conversation with R in which he just replied to me with this:

1. Walrus tusk lotion
2. Owl farts
3. squirrel flax
4. gopher cream
5. elevator tranquilizers
6. kangaroo essence
7. tangerine buddhas (come in pairs)
8. gargoyle punches
9. Penguin eggshell
10. Dolphin jaw warmer

Use the mammoth one FTW

Raw shark is about to kill a midget

So you know, the usual.

The Discovery channel has been airing this commercial (actually, a little bit longer version) to the annoyance of me and my mother (and hopefully other Asians?)  Notice trigger words such as “the Japanese” and um, “it’s up to US to stop THEM.”

Let’s get something straight.  Whaling is bad.  No doubt about it.  But when you have an older, white male angrily spouting US vs. THEM rhetoric,  you have yourself a veiled jab at the Japanese, which could arguably stem from some leftover World War II resentment. Not to mention the name of the documentary, Whale Wars, along with special highlights of the program which include throwing mysterious, grenade-like objects onto the decks of whaling ships.

Also, my mom’s initial reaction: “Oh, like Americans have never hunted anything illegal before?”