Photo taken by me in Nara 

A nervous person by nature, I worry about a lot of things–many irrational, but other things that most of you could probably relate to:

- money
- happiness
- future
- how others perceive me
- “am I wasting my time doing x?”
- “what am I doing with my life?”
- “how do I get out of x social event?”
- “I just realized that I have a shit ton of stuff to do in a short amount of time arghhh”
- I hope my cats remember me when I go back home

(OK, so maybe that last part isn’t so common.)

Before coming to Japan to study abroad, I always had a way to express my worries and frustrations verbally to my boyfriend. He was always there for me and told me that everything would work out. After coming to Japan and having no friends and no one to talk to, I have to learn to deal with my own worries and not rely on the comfort of others, which I realize was kind of selfish anyway.

I started to develop what I call a nonki lifestyle–nonki means “easy-going” in Japanese. Every problem I faced, no matter how overwhelming it was, I simply told myself to take things one at a time.

This doesn’t mean I just left things up in the air–I still worried about them, but instead of focusing on how x problem was shitty and “why me?”, I thought of how to handle the problem so that it didn’t own my thoughts. If I had a bunch of papers due at around the same time, I did each of them one at a time, making sure I gave myself enough time to do them. Sure, it sucked having such a work load, but if I just complained until the last minute, I would be even more stressed out and unhappy.

I realize that it’s easy to just complain about your hard luck instead of working to solve the problem. Having never lived in a dorm, I was surprised to witness here people with procrastination worse than mine–complaining and moping until the very last minute, giving themselves excuses not to work on an important paper until 2 hours before it was due! These same people asked me how I was so relaxed about everything, why I didn’t occasionally have break downs like they did.

Back at home, I was most definitely that sort of person. My college was ridiculous at helping me prepare for studying abroad–it felt like every possible obstacle was thrown in my way before I left. I freaked out a lot and let my emotions get the best of me. But having to rely on myself in Japan changed things. I developed a “meh” attitude, countering my problems with a resounding “does it really matter?” A lot of times, it doesn’t.

When you narrow all your thoughts on a certain problem (or set of problems), that’s all you begin to see. You lose sight of the bigger picture and get stuck in a state of perpetual unhappiness. You stop appreciating things and develop an ungrateful attitude.

Here are some things I tell myself when I have to face a bunch of problems:
- one thing at a time: I tend to feel overwhelmed easily when I face a series of tasks to do in a short amount of time, so I make myself stop and realize that these tasks will all occur in a sequence, not simultaneously.
- you are not going to die: This one is fairly obvious. If I miss a bus, an appointment, a homework assignment…I will still be alive. It is not a life or death matter, no matter how great the inconvenience or how much you kick yourself for not solving your problem.
- ask someone who knows: If your problem is complicated, ask someone you think will provide you with the solution, regardless of whether you know them or not. A lot of people feel shy asking a stranger, but if it will help you immediately then the risk of looking like a know-nothing is worth. Plus, chances are even if you do make a fool of yourself, you won’t see that person again in your lifetime. (This also applies to asking for directions!)
- by x time, this problem will be over: When there is an event that is going to happen that I dread, I tell myself to look forward to the time it will be over. For example, if next Thursday you have a presentation to make, you can look forward to the fact that by Thursday night, you will be done with it and can take it easy.

If you can stop fretting about problems at hand and stop letting them control you, then you, too, can live a nonki lifestyle. It doesn’t mean you are worry-free, it just means you don’t let your problems rule your way of living.

No Comments »

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment