So. Did you know? Comedy Central has decided they like black people! If you’ve been watching the channel lately, you might have encountered commercial after commercial promoting their new show, Chocolate News, which premiered last night after a weekend chock full of specials featuring African American comedians and re-runs of the Chappelle Show. What can I say about the premiere other than that it was really into playing the White-People-Don’t-Get-Us card? Maybe that the show’s jokes were dated (R. Kelly? The “N” word? Really?), or that despite being called a “lolz news” show with a continuously SHOUTING!! host, there really wasn’t anything of substance being said behind the comedy, and instead enforced modern caricatures of African Americans (omg hip hop!!)? Or how about encouraging “us vs. them” mentality by grouping all African Americans together and claiming that this is the only show they need to watch, because who are you kidding, you all like fried chicken! And NBA! And Grand Theft Auto (stealing cars!!!!) Why else would those commercials air during breaks in the show, at the exclusion of most other programming on Comedy Central?

Way to show the love, Comedy Central. Maybe you can make the “Dumpling News” by having a samurai host speak a few words quietly, while a ninja causes mischief in the background with Hello Kitty and you could maybe have an interview Kim Jong Il conducted by a kung fu master and joke about nuclear weapons. Wait! Too topical! Joke about kim chee instead. Wait! Too few white people know what that is. We need to make sure that they watch the show so we can tell them how dumb they are – better make that joke about sushi, and then chuckle (quietly, so as not to disturb the Zen master running the program) about how white people are always getting us to do their homework because we are so naturally good at math! All Asians will watch this because (aside from all being the same) you will lure them in with commercials for things that have “soy” in their name (two products I can think of already – one ends in Joy and the other in Sauce). Throw a few gongs in there, some dragon ladies and the show will practically write itself.

Just trying to spread that love!

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