From Man vs. Food

For whatever reason, in America it seems like if you enjoy BIG FOOD and LOTS OF IT with MEAT, SECRET SPICES, BARBECUE, etc., you must be a grisly man among men. You are a bit on the chunky side but that’s cool because it’s like you’re one of the guys. You’re a little bit crazy and probably have had more than your share of booze-drinkin’ at frat parties, but people love you because at the end of the day, you’re a regular Joe who likes their meat bleedin’ and their burgers piled high with more burgers.

No more is this the case than with the Travel Channel’s show Man vs. Food, in which a portly dude travels the country in order to wreak havoc on his insides for some airtime and supportive chanting from sickly looking blond children. He consumes POUNDS worth of meat, steak, ribs and other manly treats for nothing other than gaining a nifty bumper sticker or his name on a greasy wall. Which I guess as entertainment goes, is fine or whatever, despite starving people who could live a week off of the despicable carnage that the host constitutes as one bite.

Moving on, the Food Network seems to have taken quite a shine to a like-minded guy, named appropriately enough: Guy.

If you’ve never seen him before, picture a younger, more-obnoxious-yet-somehow-less-intolerable Very Pink Emeril Lagasse. He oversells the ‘dude’ thing but he must be doing something right because he seems to get a new show every 5 minutes. One show features the Pink Fellow driving around looking for diners around the country that are crazy enough to let him within a five-foot radius of their kitchen. The Man Without Neck eats lots of big sandwiches, blah blah blah, “invented” a certain way to eat such big food which in the end is really just pummeling your face with said food, and still has time to get his hair bleached around the sunglasses that are a permanent fixture to the back of his head. (Legend be told that his skull is steadily absorbing them.)

Both shows contain “hey brah” qualities which for whatever reason is linked to over-consumption of big food. For women to overeat is called “indulging,” or “treating themselves to another bite” or whatever. Because women are dainty and eat salads. Or some such thing.

Alright whatever, let me get to the point, OK?

This is a 7 man vs. 1 ko-gal eating contest. (Part 2 and Part 3 are here.) The ko-gal featured is none other than Gyaru Sone, who got her start in a girl group but really took off as a celebrity Super Eater. Looking like a frail doe-eyed pixie thing, she can easily out-eat both Dudes above and still DRINK. THEIR. MILKSHAKE!!

So, American TV Producing People, the chunky-bro-eating-too-much-food thing is getting old. I don’t really know what I’m asking for in its place, but encouraging food-related stereotypes is definitely not getting anywhere with me.

Also, I don’t want to feel guilty anymore for enjoying food. OK? So stop showing things like vectorized animated slinky women with little bars of chocolate individually wrapped so we can savor the indulgent sexy flavor while watching our weight, because I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough. (On a separate note: please stop sexualizing M&Ms.)

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